


The one where Castiel feels guilty for his feelings

by Bellatrix_Winchester (Keterina_Porpentina_Albus_Everdeen)



Series: Sastiel through my eyes [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Ships It, Dean Winchester Mentioned, M/M, Mutual Pining, Samstiel - Freeform, Sastiel - Freeform, Sastiel fluff and angst, sastiel fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-19 06:17:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20205106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Keterina_Porpentina_Albus_Everdeen/pseuds/Bellatrix_Winchester
Summary: Spoiler alert : Sam reciprocates.





	The one where Castiel feels guilty for his feelings

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, I'd hugely appreciate if you read my latest poem "hypocrite". It's hugely personal and I shared it with you all with great faith because I love this fandom and the AO3 community.  
Thanks a lot 😊

When Castiel got betrayed by Naomi, he never thought that he'd have to leave heaven. Naomi took his memory and made him forget the entire episode of the apocalypse. Castiel only remembered what every Angel remembers after being created, the poor Angel had no memory of being on Earth or about humans, only that God created the universe. Naomi threw Cas off of heaven and he ended up falling in Lawrence, Kansas.

* * *

Sam and Dean Winchester could sense a disturbance in the force since Bobby taught them a spell or two to know about any anomalies from beforehand. They followed the signs, lights flickering, occasional storm and most importantly, no demons in a ten Mile radius.

"What do you think it is?" Sam asks Dean while driving the Impala towards ground zero of the signs.

"Whatever did this, ain't no demon. It's gotta be from upstairs, powerful but probably not G + O + D powerful." Dean replies, ready with his shotgun.

Sam chuckled, " You're gonna shoot God's right hand?"

Dean shrugs, "Left one too if it comes to it."

The Impala reached a warehouse, a whimpering sound was coming from within. The boys approached the spot only to find an injured man inside.

Dean and Sam exchange a look. Dean whispered, "What if he is not human?"

Sam put his gun away while Dean was watching his back, and he softly touched the shoulder of the man. He was wearing a trenchcoat over what appeared to be a white shirt and blue blazer. Sam noticed that the man was completely unconscious and he was whimpering in his sleep. Sam stopped hesitating and lifted the injured man in his arms. They carried him to the Impala anf brought him with them to the Men of Letters bunker.

* * *

The man woke up three days later. Dean noticed that Sam had changed his clothes everyday, hydrated him in his sleep with ORS and made sure that he was comfortable all the time. He knew that his little brother was caring, so he smiled to himself when one night, he saw Sam read a story to the man in coma.

Then on the fourth day, he surprised them and opened his eyes. Sam immediately moved away from his bed and stood in front of him, patiently waiting for him to wake up.

"Wh- where am I?" He started, his eyes still adjusting to the unknown circumstances and his condition.

Dean was the one to speak, "Name. Go."

He squinted, "I don't, understand. Please, tell me where I am."

Sam stepped forward, " Hi, I'm Sam. This js my brother Dean. Do you know who you are?"

He shifted in his face and straneously sat up, "I'm Castiel. I'm an angel of the Lord. Do you represent humanity?"

Sam and Dean exchanged looks, "If you're an angel, you'd probably know us. We are the Winchesters."

Castiel said, "I'm sorry, I don't know anyone by that name. You see, I've never been on Earth before."

Dean chuckled, " Even with the apocalypse? What kinda shitty angel are you?"

Castiel stood up abruptly and straightened his wings, the astral projection became visible to Sam and Dean.

"I warn you. Do not joke about the end of the world. God has imrisoned Lucifer after much difficulty with the help of Michael." Castiel looked furious.

Sam put his hand up, " Look, we are not joking. The apocalypse really happened. You can ask anyone. Now, what is the last thing you remember? What date?"

Castiel calmed down a little and said, "1200 AD."

It was soon discovered that Castiel's memory was missing. The boys filled him in on everything that has happened so far on Earth, including their personal involvement in all things that go bump in the night. They basically accepted Castiel as a roommate, assuring him that he could help them hunt, share his angelic knowledge and in turn, find a home that he'd lost.

Castiel liked that idea, alot.

So much so that he insisted on cooking almost every other day, healing the boys even if they were a little injured and babied them, which the boys secretly enjoyed. 

* * *

Days went by, Castiel had been in the bunker for almost six months now, when Dean realized that Castiel had a rather special bond with his brother. Sam and Cas would spend a lot of time together, in the library, kitchen or sometimes simply prepping for a hunt. Sam would fanboy over creation, God and all the lores he had read, while Castiel would patiently answer every question Sam would ask, smiling when he babbled away about something sheepishly.

One of the days when Castiel felt broken hearted about not being there for the universe, not taking care of his siblings, not protecting the beautiful humans his father had created; he curled up in his bed and silently stayed awake. 

Suddenly a knock came.

"Hey um, Cas? Is it okay if I come in for a little while?" It was the hesitant voice of Sam Winchester.

Castiel wasn't crying or anything, just lying down like a corpse, so he said, "Sure."

Sam came in and slowly sat on the bed next to Castiel's lying form. Cas shifted a little towards Sam instinctively,trying to have some comfort in Sam's physical warmth. Sam reached out to stroke Cas's scalpe and trace his hairline. 

When they both realized that they didn't mind each other's company, rather enjoyed the cuddles, Sam lied down too. Cas instantly faced him and looked into his eyes.

"What is it Cas?" Sam softly asked.

Castiel smiled softly, "Thinking about my utter failure as an angel. I know what you're gonna say, maybe I did stuff and forgot. However that's no comfort." He paused, " As a human, I feel like I'm more of a success. Wouldn't you say?"

Sam nodded and placed his hand on Castiel's arm, "As a hunter, baker and babysitter."

Castiel looked confused and squinted his eyes, "I don't recall taking care of an infant in my times on Earth."

Sam felt the laughter bubbling in his stomach and after a few chuckles, he completely burst out in laughter.

Seeing him laugh like that made Castiel very happy, however he pouted because he didn't understand the reason.

Sam wiped tears from his eyes while laughing and said, "Dean and I are the babies, you have been taking care of us like we're little kids Cas."

Cas felt his unhappiness slip away and he silently thanked Sam for being there for him that day.

* * *

Sam noticed that something was awfully wrong about Cas recently. It wasn't grief, wasn't self loathing or anything related to a hunt. He couldn't pinpoint just what it was that bothered Cas, but he noticed how much Cas would recoil at the mention of his discomfort.

Cas was always tiptoeing around the boys, locking his bedroom more often than not, staring into blank space for no apparent reason; Sam also noticed that Cas wasn't as comfortable around him anymore, he went to bed early, missed their movie nights or long conversations and it reached a point when Sam felt the need to confront him.

"Is it heaven? Did you hear something on the angel radio against us?" Sam asked.

Cas shook his head violently with pain in his eyes, "I'd never be turned against you two. You're my home away from home."

Sam gave a small smile at that and calmed down a bit, "Okay Cas, I believe you. But you're worrying me. You seem really upset and I could help! Just tell me or tell Dean, whatever it is, we'd understand." His words were sincere and firm, he wasn't leaving without being able to help his angel.

Cas sighed and painfully lied to Sam again, "I'm just trying to understand certain reactions of my vessel, it's angel business. You can't help Sam, but thank you."

Castiel won.

" For now", Sam thought.

* * *

"What could it be man? I mean, I'm at a loss here." Sam asked Dean after his initial defeat.

Dean sipped his beer and dug into his pie, "How should I know? It's not like dude functions like we do, must be some god level crap. You go handle your angel, don't lay our family drama on me." He chuckled teasingly.

Sam scoffed, "What do you mean 'my angel?'"

Dean rolled his eyes, "Well well, are you really the blind one in this mess? No wonder."

He didn't comment any further.

That night, Sam knocked again.

Cas opened the door, "Are you here to grill me more?"

Sam looked hurt, "I don't mean to bother you Cas, I'm just worried."

Sighing, Cas let him in, "Sorry, I didn't mean to snap. Let's us do something together,like we used to do before you know?" Sam warmly smiled down at Cas which Cas had to return.

Grinning like a lovesick fool,Castiel momentarily forgot how worried he is about his feelings towards Sam, and greedily welcomed the chance to spend some time with Sam.

They played chess together for a while before resorting to watch 'The Sound of Music' with lots of snacks and cuddling.

Sam found himself melting away at Castiel's cuddle, their proximity giving his touch starved heart some warmth. Lying next to Cas right now,Sam couldn't imagine for the life of him, why Cas wouldn't wanna stay. Why he would flinch away, feel like he had to hide his worries and keep to himself, why Cas couldn't share everything with Sam and let him help, Sam couldn't understand. Unless…

Sam abruptly sat up, which forced Castiel to move away for him.

"Cas?" Sam asked in a shaky voice.

Cas dreaded everything at this point, "Yes?"

Sam asked, "Is it Dean? Do you have feelings for Dean?"

Cas chuckled at that in disbelief, "Of course not. Why would you…?"

Sam said, "Then why do you push me away? Why not share your thoughts and problems with me? I've laid out my heart to you and you just...treat me like you'd rather stay away from me." The last words of Sam became whispers but Cas heard every last word.

This was the complete opposite of what Castiel had expected.

Finally, Cas let himself say what he never thought he'd day out loud.

"I love you Sam." Cas said to the floor, looking down and sniffling tears.

Sam stopped dead in his tracks, "You- wh - what?"

Castiel was a sobbing mess already,waves of tears ceasing his body and he could barely stand.

Sam silently took his hand and led his angel to the bed. There, he rested his head on Sam's broad shoulders, letting himself go.

"My angel." Sam murmured.

Cas wiped his face, "Huh?"

Sam smiled, "Dean said that you're my angel. He was right. And I suppose that makes me your human. Yours."

Cas blinked and started at his human.

Sam grinned now, " I love you, you silly celestial being."

That made Cas blush and giggle furiously.

Sam wiped the tears out of Cas's face to properly caress his cheek. Cas blushed at the touch, but tried to stay still. His heart hammered in his chest, threatening to burst out of the love and nerve he felt at the same time.

Sam didn't want Cas to feel overwhelmed but he could hardly stay away anymore. He wanted to touch every inch of Cas's body, wanted to make him feel loved after the hell he went through.

Tracing his jawline Sam whispered to Cas, "I can't believe you thought I wouldn't want you. I'm so sorry, I should've said it sooner."

Cas shook his head, "I thought my feelings were wrong. That you'd be offended. But none of that now, I need to kiss you. May I?"

Sam blushed too before nodding, not even really waiting but softly pressing his lips onto Castiel's soft ones. It was criminal how much urgency they both felt to close their distances, felt almost drowning in their passion, the taste of Sam's flesh melting Castiel away, the feel of Cas's fingers on his neck sending shivers down Sam's spine.

Meanwhile Dean chuckled in the drawing room, muttering "dorks!" 

  
  



End file.
